Living within a Broken Vow: The Impact of Parental Infidelity among Late Adolescents in Establishing Romantic Relationships

The present study aimed to know the possible impact of parental infidelity among late adolescents in establishing romantic relationships with a significant other. It employed a qualitative research and used the approach on social constructivism in which it described the adolescents’ experiences about parental infidelity as numerous and subjective as they interact with the social world. A survey was conducted in identifying twelve (12) participants, ages 15 to 19, which experienced parental infidelity from University of the East-Manila enrolled in academic year 2014-2015. One (1) hour in-depth interviews were recorded and guided by the researchers’ validated aide memoir. All recorded interactions with the participants were transcribed into field text. The participants’ responses were carefully analyzed through Thematic Analysis and Collaizi's procedure. The researchers found that the impact of parental infidelity among late adolescents in establishing relationships is a process and is best depicted through a cross, or The C.R.O.S.S. in Infidelity, with five conceptual themes which also signify the process that late adolescents usually go through after discovering their parents’ infidel behavior. The themes conceptualized were: reaction; circumspection; self-recognition; stagnation; and overturn. The C.R.O.S.S In Infidelity may serve as an aid in counseling as well as a guide in creating an intervention program to help these late adolescents cope with the experiences of parental infidelity.


Introduction
The family is the basic unit of the society. It is where individuals first develop their personalities, as well as build their relationships among family members, especially with their parents. Hermes [1] stated that children initially interact with their parents from which the latter provides examples of desired behaviors that are ought to be learned by the former. McLeod [2] said that the parents are considered as the influential models of the child. They teach the child values on how to face the reality of life and to develop their own behaviors.
By the time an individual reaches late adolescence, he forms relationships with other people. During this period, he becomes more mature. The earlier experiences during the preceding stages of development allowed individuals to gain insights and realizations about the ups and downs of life. When they reach the late adolescent period, they are seen as individuals that are emotionally mature. According to Erikson as stated by Feist & Feist [3], late adolescence is the developmental stage when individuals begin to form deeper relationships with their significant others. Likewise, late adolescence is the stage where individuals begin to form intimate and romantic relationships with other people as they enter adulthood.
Parental infidelity is one of the crucial social issues, along with other issues relating to marriage. Reid [4] argued that it may be one of the primary reasons why parental relationships lead to divorce. Having parental infidelity threatens the foundation of the marriage as well as the whole family relationship. It affects the relationship of the child to couples not only emotionally but physically, mentally and socially as well which may also influence the establishment of the former's relationships. It is a problem which has consequences that permanently damage the parent-child relationship as well as other future relationships. Considering the parent-child relationship as the most important, parental infidelity may be a precursor to the individual's relationships toward his or her own family, and building romantic relationships with others. This familial and social issue can have a big impact on individuals themselves. They may perceive their own family as a failure. As a result, they may have a hard time in decision-making and understanding things surrounding their environment, especially within their familial environment.
Ngozi, Peter & Stella [5] showed that parental infidelity may be considered as one of the most controversial social phenomena, seen as one among the major causes of marital instability which often leads to divorce, desertion, single-parenthood and generally failed marriages. It may be a critical part for the self-development of individuals.
According to Davis [6], children who come to know the parental infidelity issues of their parents can have deeper, greater and longer-lasting impacts. The present study aimed to know and describe the possible impacts of parental infidelity on the establishment of romantic relationships of individuals whose parents committed the said issue. This study delved on their lived experiences and how they see their present and future lives with these experiences.
In relation to the Filipino culture, Carandang and Guda [7] said that the Philippines is a country for friendliness and closeness among individuals, which can be important in maintaining relationships. As one of the most treasured values in the Filipino culture, Filipinos have close family ties. This value allows Filipinos to easily meet people, make friends with each other, and then build close, lasting, intimate and romantic relationships. Since Catholicism is predominant in the Philippines, Filipino couples consider marriage as significant and sacred, and eventually, they build their own families. Marital success and satisfaction are greatly affected by several factors such as the love, intimacy, commitment, and passion between the couple. Nevertheless, as time goes by, the number of Filipino broken families is growing.
In the 2011 Philippine statistics on marriage, there were about 476, 408 marriages, from the 482, 480 marriages from the previous year [8]. Since then, the numbers of married couples are decreasing. This is a clear indication that Filipino married couples need to strengthen their marital relationship.

Methodology
Social constructivism was utilized in qualitative research. According to Creswell [9], social constructivism assumes that individuals find meaning and understanding of the world they interact with. The meaning and understanding of the world created by the individuals are subjective. They create varied and multiple meanings to subjective experiences. Social constructivist approach aims to rely as much as possible on the views of the participants in the situations they are in. The subjective meanings of the participants are formed through their interactions with others and through the historical and cultural norms that guide their lives. Crotty stated by Creswell [10] identified three assumptions in the social constructivism: individuals create meanings as they involve in the world they interpret, making the researchers to use open-ended questions allowing the participants to share their own views; human beings get involve and make sense of the world historically and socially, making the researchers seek to understand the context or setting of the participants and interpret what they discover based on the interpretation formed by the researcher's own experiences; and lastly, meanings are basically generated socially, that is with the interaction with the human community. Induction is used in qualitative research where the researchers generate meanings from the collected data from the field.
The participants of the study were late adolescents with ages ranging from 15 to 19 years, studying in the University of the East-Manila during the academic year 2014 to 2015. There were twelve (12) participants who experienced parental infidelity regardless of the time of its discovery. The profile of the participant included the present romantic relationship status of the individual and his or her parents' marital status.
An aide memoir was the main instrument used to gather the data for this study. According to Zhang & Wildemuth [11], an aide memoir contains questions which served as a comprehensive guide about the topic, issues or areas that were covered during the interview. It consisted of questions concerned about the experiences of individuals regarding parental infidelity, its impact to their family relations and in the establishment of romantic relationships.
A survey form was utilized to identify the prospective participants who participated in the study. Permission was sought from the dean of the College of Arts and Sciences of the University of the East-Manila through a letter of request. Upon approval, participants whose one or both parents committed infidelity were selected through the use of a survey form. When the participants confirmed their willingness to participate in the study, consent forms which protect the privacy and confidentiality of information provided by the participants were given to ensure ethical considerations. Also, their availability for the in-depth interviews was considered. The decision of the participants who chose to withdraw at any time during the study was respected.
All in-depth interview sessions lasted for approximately 1 hour per session, guided by the researchers' aide memoir to complete the main purpose of the study. Primarily, the objectives of the study and its possible outcome were explained. The validated aide memoir used for the interview consisted of open-ended questions that helped the participants provide information and insights which allowed them to define parental infidelity, based on their own perspectives and experiences. All interviews and interactions with the participants of the study were recorded. All of the verbalizations were transcribed into field text by the researchers. The researchers used bracketing to identify and limit the researchers' bias about the study. As defined by Husserl [12], bracketing is a method that sets aside one's assumptions or expectations about the phenomenon. The researchers saw to it that their own beliefs, knowledge, values and experiences about parental infidelity will be put aside to accurately describe and interpret the participants' own life experiences.
The responses of the participants reflected through the field text were carefully analyzed through thematic analysis wherein different themes included in the participant's responses as well as its similarities were identified. The themes reflected the impact of parental infidelity among late adolescents in establishing their own romantic relationship. According to Namey et al. [13], thematic analysis can provide veracity and complexity and improve the meaning of the responses. It can also make it easier to understand the experiences of the participants widely. The researchers used cool analysis in distinguishing significant statements to come up with data categories, and warm analysis to determine the essence of the phenomenon. It was used to reveal the whole meaning of the experience of the participants based on the data gathered.
As part of the thematic analysis, the Colaizzi's Procedure was used to have a deeper analysis of the field text. Colaizzi as stated by Wojnar & Swanson [14] gave seven procedures. This procedure began with reading and re-reading of the interview transcriptions. Second, the extraction of significant statements from the participants' answers was done. Third, the formulation of meaning from the significant statements was done. Fourth, the formulated meanings were categorized into themes. Fifth, the findings were integrated into an exhaustive description. Sixth, was the validation of the findings of the study? Lastly, the incorporation of any changes of the subjects in the investigation was done.

Findings and Discussion
The utilization of the cool, warm and the thematic analyses revealed nineteen (19) categories that were lumped into five (5) interesting conceptual themes that describe the impact and meaning of parental infidelity to late adolescents' establishment of romantic relationship which emerged from their lived experiences regarding parental infidelity. The five conceptual themes that were generated are as follows: reaction, circumspection, self-recognition, stagnation, and overturn.
Reaction: Any action has a corresponding reaction; hence, knowing that one parent committed infidelity may make an individual respond through various means. In this model, the first theme: Reaction. Reaction refers to the thought constructed, feeling experienced or action performed (towards the infidel or cheated parent) in response to the experience of parental infidelity. The participants' initial response was to feel anger and resentment towards their infidel parent. The consequence in this type of situations was withdrawal from the infidel parent. They were also greatly affected knowing that their father committed infidelity that their education, faith and interpersonal relationships were disturbed.
Additional inputs from participants were stated as: From the response of EM, Aside from anger and resentment, the statements expressed feelings of disappointment and doubt toward the infidel parent. Some participants showed disappointment because either parent committed infidelity. They could not believe that either parent was capable of committing such act. The participants started to have different perceptions about relationships, and love.
Circumspection: In connection with the first theme, which is reaction, the next event that could possibly happen to the individual is to have doubts and fears in establishing their own relationship due to their experiences in their parent's infidelity; thus, circumspection may develop. The model proposed that the second possible theme may be circumspection. Circumspection refers to the act of thinking carefully about the possible circumstances and consequences before doing or saying something. It is usually the state of being wary or doubtful in taking risk in relationships due to the knowledge of parent's infidelity.
With much conviction RT stated, These statements demonstrated how the participants overgeneralized that all men are the same and that they all tend to cheat on their partner/s. Based on the experience, one participant expressed that he or she found difficulty trusting every guy and became hesitant in committing to a relationship. Due to the infidelity act of one of his parents, he formed a negative impression towards all men and that men cannot redeem themselves. He already assumed that an awful event, like infidelity, is going to happen in his own romantic relationship. Thus, the participant feared that the experiences he had with his parents will happen with his own relationship as well.
Self-recognition: Experiencing parental infidelity is an unplanned and unwanted event that no children ever want to go through. It may be traumatic to some, but others see their experience as a lesson, that is an experience different from their parents. At some point in life, acknowledging such unlikely experience might lead to self-recognition of own capabilities or incapabilities to do something regarding the experience. The third theme which is shown placed on intersection of the horizontal and vertical line, is the self-recognition. This study defined self-recognition as the ability to acknowledge one's feelings, emotions, thoughts and behaviors before, during and after the event of infidelity. The verbalizations showed that even though the participants went through a painful experience, they were able to have a positive regard with the experiences they encountered and did not retaliate to show disapproval with their parent's infidel act.

.whether I want to have a relationship or not, it's up to me")
The participants expressed that they still have the capability to choose whether or not to commit to a relationship, regardless of their experience. The recognition of the participants that they still have the power to make their own decisions on what to do with their lives is important because this means that they do not want to stick in a stage wherein they will just continue forming generalizations and hating their parents.
Stagnation: After being able to recognize oneself, an individual has to come up with a decision to either stay in a miserable and hating state or think of other ways to adjust with the situation and to be able to cope with it. The next theme shown in the other end of the vertical line is stagnation. It is the act of dwelling on the situation and resisting changes thus demonstrating apathy and passivity towards any circumstances after experiencing parental infidelity. Sometimes, the experience was so excruciating that the individual ignores the thought of infidelity.
Additional verbalization, AC said, The verbalizations demonstrated the participants' 232 Living within a Broken Vow: The Impact of Parental Infidelity among Late Adolescents in Establishing Romantic Relationships resistance to settle the issue with their parent's infidelity. Due to the infidelity of one of their parents, there were still factors that hindered them to forgive their parents and a disinterest to fix their relationship with one another.
Overturn: The positive effect of experiencing events such as parental infidelity is at the end, which an individual can learn from. The best way to improve oneself is to use these experiences as a lesson to do better than what the parents did. The final theme shown on The C.R.O.S.S. in Infidelity is overturn. Humans are capable of moving on and learning from their experiences. Overturn is the act of utilizing the experience regarding parental infidelity as a guide towards betterment of one's disposition. It refers to the process wherein the experience is evaluated in accordance to what is morally right and taken positively as a guide for future behavior (i.e. establishing relationship). But if the experience is only seen from its negative viewpoint, it will only stay on the level of stagnation. The field text showed that overturn can be associated with insights and realizations that the participants learned from their experiences. This statement showed that the participants created a set of expectation for one's future relationship which could guide his future romantic relationship behavior.
Additional inputs statements stated as NG explained, "...kung love mo talaga yung per-person any changes na mangyari sa kanya hindi mo, hindi ka hindi parang hindi makakabawas dun sa pagmahahal mo sa kanya kahit na magbago siya, kahit hindi na siya kasing ganda dati." ("…if you really love the person, whatever changes that may happen, your love for the person will not lessen, even if he/she changes, even if the relationship is not as beautiful as before.") Added by NG, "...kailangan wag mong hayaan na madamay yung pangarap mo or even yung relationship mo sa ibang tao just because of that single problem na nararanasan mo."

("…never let your problems affect your dreams or even your relationships with other people just because of that single problem that you experienced in your life.")
The participants perceived their experiences as challenges and lessons. It was a challenge because going through parental infidelity was a hard and complicated path. It was a lesson for him and for others as well because his experiences in parental infidelity made him a stronger person. This particular participant was able to make life decisions and judgment by himself. Moreover, the individual used this particular event to aim for a better life of his own.
The study considered the fourth and fifth themes as the turning point wherein the participant either dwelled on and endured the situation or realized and positively perceived the experience and redirected one's situation.
After the transcription of the interview, significant statements that showed important experiences were collected and categorized into different themes. Generalization, jealousy, resistance, self-recognition, fear, expressive, doubtful, expectations, anger/hatred, resentment, disappointment, hurt, pity/empathy, redirection, endurance, apathetic, initiative, indecisiveness, rejection, passiveness and contemplation were the categories that were created. The nineteen (19) categories that were related were grouped and lumped into five (5) themes which are: reaction, circumspection, self-recognition, stagnation, and overturn.
The utilization of the cool, warm and the thematic analyses revealed nineteen (19) categories that were lumped into five (5) interesting conceptual themes that describe the impact and meaning of parental infidelity to late adolescents' establishment of romantic relationship which emerged from their lived experiences regarding parental infidelity. The five conceptual themes that were generated are as follows: reaction, circumspection, self-recognition, stagnation, and overturn.

Conclusions
This study aimed to know the impact of parental infidelity to late adolescents in establishing romantic relationships. To be able to come up with the impact/s of parental infidelity, questions pertaining to their experiences were asked. The participants provided answers which included his/her feelings and thoughts regarding parental infidelity, the actions performed and emotions expressed after discovering his/her parent's infidel behavior, and plans in the future regarding his/her own relationships. All of the participants experienced parental infidelity and admitted that at one point in their life, they felt angry and blamed the parent(s) for the conflict. Interestingly the study came up with a cross which the researchers called as "The C.R.O.S.S. in Infidelity". Universally, the cross is considered as the greatest representation of God's love for mankind. For Christians, it symbolizes the suffering that Jesus Christ has gone through to save mankind from sin, as well as the hope of redemption. For some Filipinos, a cross may represent as a burden that each and every one has to carry. However, it may denote a hope that one day, the suffering that we went through will pay off. Along the way, people carrying a heavy cross may give up while others may take the challenge of carrying it and utilizing it as a means to a better self and a better life. Just like the cross carried by Jesus Christ, all problems, struggles and obstacles are heavy to carry but along the way these are all blessings in disguise. All these challenges and opportunities will make one stronger and wiser.
In relation to the study, the cross was used as a representation of an experience of parental infidelity that any child has to carry. It is a fortuitous event that no child desired to experience and has no control of. The child has to go through his journey towards Calvary while carrying "the cross of infidelity", which is a means to a better future and a better disposition if one decided to carry it through and use it for good. The field text was thermalized, and lumped into five (5) categories namely reaction, circumspection, self-recognition, stagnation and overturn. These categories can be illustrated in The C.R.O.S.S. in Infidelity, which reflects the impact of parental infidelity to children who experienced infidelity.

Reaction
Based on the study, reaction is the response (thought, feeling or action) expressed towards the infidel or cheated parent after discovering the parent's infidel behavior. The usual reactions expressed by the participants were anger, hatred, resentment, disappointment, hurt and empathy. This theme corresponded to the case study conducted by Malate [15] which stated that adolescent children lost their respect, their affection changed, and their communication became conflicting towards their authoritarian father after discovering the latter's infidel act. Children also hold grudges toward their infidel father, thereby putting barriers and increasing the gap or distance between their relationships.

Circumspection
The second theme is circumspection which is usually referred to as the state of being wary or doubtful in taking risk in relationships due to the knowledge of infidelity of parents. This theme is supported by the study of Amato stated in Ngozi et. al. [16] which stated that adolescents who are aware of the failure of their parents' marriage have negative concept about marriage. Adolescents who are from broken families experience fear and/or anxiety and have difficulty engaging in relationships.

Self-Recognition
The third theme is self-recognition which refers to the acknowledgement of one's thoughts, feelings and emotions about oneself as well as one's experience which will be used in deciding which direction to take. This theme corresponded with the study of Cui, Fincham & Durtschi [17] which indicated that parental conflict (i.e. divorce) does not have a direct effect in young adult's romantic relationships. It will still depend on the individual's own perception about how he/she will use the experience in his/her own life. Parental infidelity may have a positive and negative effect but the final decision still depend on them whether they will take the experience as a challenge or a lesson in facing their life.

Stagnation
The fourth theme is stagnation wherein the participant showed resistance, apathy and passivity on what is going around him despite the fact that he's aware that there is something wrong within the family. One study by Thorson [18] supported this theme. The findings showed that individuals protect the information about their parents' infidelity. Individuals secure the information about the event within the family to maintain harmony and still feel that they are part of the cultural norms and to protect the family from outside scrutiny or judgment by other people.

Overturn
The last theme found is overturn which refers to the utilization of the experience regarding parental infidelity as a 234 Living within a Broken Vow: The Impact of Parental Infidelity among Late Adolescents in Establishing Romantic Relationships guide towards betterment of one's disposition and in facing life. This also refers to the plans of the participants about their lives and how they are going to be a partner in their future relationships and a parent on their own. Most participants utilize their experience as a model for future behavior and remarked that individuals are responsible for their actions and reactions. This theme corresponded with the study conducted by Spence [19] stating that parental infidelity did not seem to contribute in higher risk taking behavior. Likewise, the absence of the relationship may be due to the fact that children can see the damaging effects that infidelity (a risky behavior in itself) can have, and choose not to engage in behaviors that may have similar consequences.
The impact of parental infidelity among late adolescents in establishing relationships is a process. The first process was the initial reaction of the individual towards the event and then, a formation of circumspection. This was followed by the recognition (self-recognition) of the state of the individual before, during and after the event. From there, the creation of negative and positive ideation may occur. The negative impact is stagnation wherein the individual tolerates, accepts and endures the experiences he has gone, he is going, and will go through while the positive impact is overturn wherein the individual think of ways on how to avoid incidents like parental infidelity.

Implications and Future Research
The results of the study affirm the principles of social cognitive theory which states that real-life experiences and exposure may be a guide in shaping an individual's behavior. In relation to the study, the presence of parental infidelity in the family may affect the thinking process and decision making skills of the child. It is important for parents to be good models because it influences the development of personality, behaviors and traits of their children.
Given the findings above, the guidance counselors could act as second parents and would have additional insights about the issues of parental infidelity in guiding the adolescents in coping with the said phenomenon through counseling. The guidance counselors may also create several guidance and counseling programs that are more effective in helping adolescents cope with parental infidelity. These programs may be focused on the Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) of Albert Ellis. REBT therapists believe that human beings are fallible, having the potential for rational and irrational thinking. They develop a way of understanding the world through his or her obedience to a unique philosophy, a concept known as philosophical conditioning. A person has his/her own philosophies that lead to rational or irrational thinking. Rational thinking leads a person to healthy ways of living, resulting to unconditional acceptance of self, of other people, and of the things surrounding him or her. Unconditional acceptance teaches a person on how to accept himself/herself and not to depend on others in developing his/her self-esteem and a more effective belief system. Irrational thinking leads a person to develop emotional distress, dysfunctional behaviors, and neurotic ways of living. REBT believes that it is the individual who develops his or her unique way of thinking. REBT is an insight-oriented approach that allows a person to choose new ways of thinking and act in healthier ways. REBT can also be considered as a constructivist approach where a person can reconstruct his or her own meaning-making system. In relation to the present study, a (activating event) refers to parental infidelity experienced by the participants that caused them to think on what they are going to do with their own lives upon knowing the issue between the parents. Since iB is the irrational belief from the activating event, iB (irrational belief) refers to stagnation and circumspection where the participants think that their experiences toward parental infidelity may not continue on with their lives due to apathy and passiveness in the environment. The participant may also be distrustful and doubtful on others because they generalize people and events based on their experiences of parental infidelity, especially in establishing romantic relationships. C (consequential feeling or behavior) refers to the reaction of the participant toward parental infidelity. They may develop their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that allow them to recognize themselves (self-recognition) in response to their experiences of parental infidelity. D (disputation) refers to the overturn thinking, feeling, and behaving of the participants caused by their disputation on their irrational beliefs regarding themselves in experiencing parental infidelity, allowing their lives to be better. And lastly, E (effective new responses) refers to the effective responses of the participant in identifying their thoughts and behaviors in adjusting and coping with the experiences of parental infidelity in order to improve their belief system and to continue facing their lives with rational thinking. Individuals may create effective new responses while reflecting through The C.R.O.S.S. in Infidelity.
Through this research, future researchers and readers may gain information regarding the process that the children had to go to through in putting the pieces together in redefining their personality and changing their negative perception about love caused by the excruciating experience of parental infidelity that they did not expect to happen. The results of this study provide knowledge on how to deal with the lived experiences of those people who are experiencing infidelity in their family. Likewise, this study will be a basis for further future investigations about the said phenomenon.